(I just saw Pan's Labyrinth. That movie rules)
Text to a lotta people: Have you guys seen Pan's Labyrinth?
Matt's GF Jordan: Yeah, its one of my all-time favorite movies.
Me: Make Matt and Eddie watch it. They prolly won't take just my word for it.
Jordan: I tried with matt already. He hates subtitles.
Jordan: Isn't it amazing, though?
Me: One of the best movies I've ever seen.
Jordan: Maybe not ALL is lost with you Vice boys :)
Me: Bread makes me poop!
Jordan: .... *facepalm*
(After establishing that I'd bring Molly to meet the bros at Matt's house)
Me: Do you like how I not only invited myself over, but also gave you an errand? :)
Me: The errand being 'make sure your place doesn't look shitty'
Matt: You is the douche.
Me: Thats right, THE douche!
Matt: Molly isn't allergic to cats or dogs is she?
Matt: Good, cuz my place is saturated with dander =p
Me: Sounds... Dandy!
Matt: We are no longer friends.
Molly: amg. Lawton is like Oklahoma's armpit.